Shadow the Hedgehog Summary Dialogues

For those who don’t know, the video game Shadow the Hedgehog (spin-off of the Sonic the Hedgehog series starring the rival antihero character Shadow the Hedgehog, big surprise there) featured a branching storypath. You could do evil or heroic missions, usually helping the main villain Black Doom or assisting a friendly Sonic character from the series, or sometimes you can just ignore both paths, and the story and level you go to change depending on the mission you go to. This means you could do some evil stuff but then change to hero and end up in a level you’d have been to if you did mostly hero stuff.

This also means the story is usually disjointed and doesn’t follow very well.

Sega also gave a name to every storyline you can do, 326 in all. Because of the weirdness of some of these paths, I wrote a summary in dialogue form. Here’s storyline #157, Diabolical Power:

Black Doom: SHADOW KILL THOSE SOLDIERS
Shadow: lol nope
Black Doom: WHAT, FINE, THEN GO ACTIVATE OUR RUINS
Shadow: lol nope
Black Doom: RGHA;R FINE GO DESTROY THESE OTHER SOLDIERS
Shadow: lol nope
Black Doom: OH YEAH WELL GUESS WHAT WE DON’T NEED YOU ANYWAY WE GOT OUR RUINS FLOATING, SO GO BLOW UP THAT DOCTOR GUY
Shadow: Oh okay actually I will go blow him up, he’s annoying.
Black Doom: YESSS, GOOD, NOW DESTROY THE PRESIDENT’S PLANE
Shadow: lol nope
Black Doom: THAT’S IT YOU’RE COMING HOME AND DESTROYING THESE SOLDIERBOTS IN OUR BLACK COMET
Shadow: oh. okay. that’s fair.
Sonic: I can’t let you do this, Shadow!
Shadow: nope i work for black doom now
Black Doom: YES BUT YOU’RE A TERRIBLE EMPLOYEE SO YOU’RE DEMOTED TO JANITOR

And here is Shadow the Hedgehog storyline #73, An Eternal Rival…

Black Doom: SHADOW, KILL THESE SOLDIERS
Shadow: kay
Black Doom: NOW SHADOW, DESTROY THESE INTERNETS
Rouge: Hi Shadow
Shadow: actually i’m gonna help the hot girl
Black Doom: WHAT. WELL AT LEAST DESTROY MORE SOLDIERS.
Shadow: nah i’m turning over a new leaf.
Charmy: Hey Shadow!! Wanna help me!!
Shadow: no you’re not a hot girl
Dr. Eggman: What about me?
Shadow: you’re cool so okay
Black Doom: YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING FOR ME.
Sonic: Hey Shadow!
Shadow: oh my god go away sonic, black doom if i blow up some defense systems for you will you make sonic go away
Black Doom: YES. WHATEVER. DO AS I SAY.
Shadow: okay but after this i’m going to ignore you entirely and deal with my angst by killing dr. eggman
Dr. Eggman: What was that?
Shadow: i mean activating his volcano defenses
Dr. Eggman: Oh, splendid!
Shadow: haha jk i’ma kill you *karate chop*
Dr. Eggman: nooo

Anyway. I kind of want to do a whole series of this. Maybe not for all 326 though.

Merry Clichemas! Have a Clichemas tale

I originally went shopping around the end of November. By “went shopping” I mean I ordered stuff online. There were lists for each people, and I got stuff on the list, and got them delivered, and wrapped them, and all was good.

I got my brother the movies Interstellar and The Brothers Grimsby. Turns out his girlfriend also got him those later! She didn’t know, I don’t think.

Before I’d ordered I’d shown my mom the gifts so she was aware. I got my dad The Princess Bride (the movie). You know where this is going; my mom got my dad that movie, too! An older release, actually, at an actual store nearby. Well, I told her I’d gotten him that. I thought she returned it. She didn’t. Must have slipped her mind. He got two copies!

It’s the Clichemas of duplicate gifts.

My mom got my brother’s girlfriend Secret Life of Pets, my dad got my mom Secret Life of Pets, and my mom also got my dad Secret Life of Pets.

Sheesh.

Communication is key to any good Clichemas.

I’ll tell you what Clichemas is in a couple years.

Merry End of 2016!

Apparently there’s a presidential debate tonight, so let’s look at the candidates as VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS

On one side, we have Donald Trump. He’s a default character available from the beginning. He hits really hard, but he’s slow. He has a degree of unpredictability that, somehow, just makes him really predictable. A lot of rookies play as him because, against another rookie or easy CPUs he often is easy to win with.

Then we have Hillary Clinton. She’s another default character available from the start, and she has a lot of skills and strength that makes her a strong character, but all her moves are difficult to pull off and require a lot of practice. Like, a really lot of practice. You doing anything else with your life? You won’t be able to use her very well. You need a lot of money time to get good with her, and those who do are usually able to beat everyone else easily. A novice can hardly beat anyone.

We also have Jill Stein! She’s a hidden, unlockable, hidden character who is really difficult to unlock. However, she’s easy to use and strong, so a novice is able to use her well, as is someone who has practiced with her a lot. She’s high in the tier list. Not top tier, though. That’s Diddy Kong, who was removed from the race for throwing mud. Or maybe it was poop. Either way, she does have some weaknesses, such as an inability to use items well.

Gary Johnson is also a hidden, unlockable character, but he’s the joke character. He’s not very good. At all. Though he’s also difficult to unlock.

Also, Bernie Sanders has been found in the game’s coding. He was cut from the final version, but he’s still in the game’s files in incomplete form. There’s some really specific and complex glitches that can let you play as him, and for the most part he works without much trouble. For the most part it’s just that a match with him and Clinton leads to some game crashes. He generally plays like a stronger Jill Stein but has his own set of weaknesses.

I hope you enjoyed this complete turnaround of my previous statement about being unable to social media anymore because I started my dayjob today.

Random chance in writing

I actually randomize a…n almost bizarre amount of stuff in the Cloudy Cuckoo Cosmos. Some events I randomize–I’m pretty sure the initial setup of the four battles in chapter 17 of Darmenzi had the participants of the four fights randomized, and from there I just wrote how it would naturally play out. I hadn’t planned how they would turn out (though the orb then got nabbed by someone else anyway so it wasn’t that critical, I guess).

But that’s not all. Every time I develop a new character, whether premeditated for a future book or someone written in as I’m writing, I’ll open up a random number generator and randomly determine a number of features for the character, gender/sex being a big one. Regardless of any preconceived notions I have about a character, I’ll randomize what sex they are. (A lot of older characters I didn’t do this for because they’ve existed in such a way for so long.) Another datapoint: glasses. It turns out a lot of people nowadays need corrective eyewear. It’s not really such a nerd accessory anymore, and you can’t remove the need for vision correctiveness by just being cool (although you can just wear contact lenses, I guess).

Oh yeah, and sexual orientation. That’s randomized.

(Not all of these things are fully randomized, and some of them could be subject to change as I get to know a character. One character just had to have eyeglasses. Another character I simply realized, as I worked out the plot for a future story, was certainly homosexual.)

Anyway, my point here is that I randomly determine so much in writing that why don’t I try to use it to help me write blog posts? TO WIKIPEDIA’S RANDOM ARTICLE FEATURE

ong what if someone wrote a story with wikipedia’s articles as the characters, and there’s a group of article characters that are orphans ong

Er… there are a lot. Like, more than the population of a big town. More than the population of the town I used to live in.

And they’re all on a deserted island alone. There’s a Wikipedia war or something, probably like an edit war, and the orphaned articles get stranded on an island filled with pies, and only one of them can be Lord of the Pies, coming this fall to Reality Show TVision.

Wherein I discuss Donald Trump for a moment

What if it turns out that Donald Trump has actually had a little radio transmitter in his ear all along and someone was telling him what to say, but a while ago someone put up an antenna on a nearby Drive-Thru Whale and it’s spouting gibberish for him to say?

We’ll know if this is true if his next speech is something to the effect of, “It’s the greatest day. It’s the greatest day! Seriously, it is the. Greatest. Day. The greatest day, and it’s in America. The greatest day is in America. Let’s make America great again, let’s make this day great again. We are going to make America the greatest day again. The greatest day is going to be America again. Sever your leg. No, I will not say ‘please’.”

Miifoto Roundup #2

Whoa, something with a second in the series? Weird. More Miifotos from Miitomo! Yes, some people still play that application. Look, I don’t have AR on my tablet because it doesn’t have a gyroscope for some reason because who needs a gyroscope for normal things so I can’t take pictures of Pokemon on Earth so this is what I’ve got. First up is something I think I have posted before, but here it is again. Miitomo: The Movie.

20160514064127

Later while making a Miifoto comment I went overboard and kiiind of made a sequel.

20160722113955

Click for more ridiculous pictures!

Miitomo #1

I liked the answer I gave to this question way too much to not share it with the rest of the internet. Maybe I’ll have more general Miitomo answer sharing posts at some point. I’ll go ahead and add a #1 to the title just in case. Of course, if anyone wants to add me on Miitomo, just use the Miitomo email-sending thingy to request a friending.

wp-1466952719844.png

Word, Sword
Keysword
Actually a Giant Novelty Pen
It Slices! It Dices! It Pulverizes!
Swordor
Dyna Blade
Utah

This bread…

20160608_165826.jpg

Sell by March 13th

Photo taken June 8th

No mold.

HOW ARE THESE LAST FEW SLICES OF BREAD STILL GOOD? IT’S NOT EVEN WONDER BREAD. THE APOCALYPSE COULD HAPPEN AND THIS BREAD WOULD PROBABLY STILL BE GOOD

I am a person with some opinions

Opinion 1! People should pay attention to facts, not opinions.

Opinion 2! If you are still reading this I have a poor opinion of you.

Opinion 3! Sorry I said I have a poor opinion of you

Opinion 4! please don’t leave, i have cookies

Do blog post titles framed as questions get more attention?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking!