Wait What?

I say weird things sometimes. On occasion they may even be oddtastic. Sometimes, stupid. And sometimes they just don’t make any sense at all. If that’s the case, here they are. Otherwise, I dunno where else to put ’em. OTHER/MISC. PAGE GO


Poetry -2/14/2016

“Roses are red, violets are blue, silence is golden, so shut up.


Tablet Typing -7/20/2015

“And there we go, Dabes prophecoed of beating Lord Emflosh is actually Deabpeta, who isweakto cats. Dacepets new most i poetant character in Nomestuck.


No One is Ever Sincere-8/24/2014

“i love you. Wait no actually that was the most incensere thing all day.”


Regarding Attraction-2014

[Online Pal] “anyway, I was hoping that volunteering to do ice bucket challange with her would’ve said a lot”

[Duth] “that you need to take a cold shower when you see her?”


Regarding Zed-1/27/2014

“I’m mostly just wondering how the hex that is made to rhyme with the rest of the alphabet song.

“‘The ABC’s are what I just said. Next time let’s do something else instead.’?”


Regarding Internet Acronyms-1/26/2014

[Online Pal] “…I just realized even lol isn’t on this list, what idiot made this book”

[Duth] “someone without a sense of humor”

[Online Pal]  “john j. macionis apparently, okay, duly noted as someone I find rather stupid”

[Online Pal] “oh no lmao is in it, but lol isn’t”

[Duth] “vulgar! Unless the A stands for Arthritis. In which case, a medical breakthrough!”

[…]

[Online Pal] “and it’s a 2013 book”

[Online Pal] “smh”

[Online Pal] “(a phrase I use ironically to point out that that it’s not in it)”

[Online Pal] “neither are the ridiculously common newcomers hbu/wbu and hmu”

[Duth] “Umm… Some Maurading Heliocentricism?”

[Online Pal] “but it has weird shit I have never heard of like”

[Online Pal] “‘imbl: it must be love'”

[Duth] “I thought it was looting.”


Regarding Clubs-2014

[Online Pal] “clubs are dumb”

[Duth] “except for turkey clubs”

[Duth] “those turkeys sure know how to run a club”


Regarding a Malfunctioning Headset-2013

[Duth] “[My supervisor] and I determined that the problem is a chip in my brain that was either implanted by aliens or my future self.”

[Coworker] “So you were abducted by aliens?”

[Me] “No, I was abducted by myself. That is, I abducted myself. And I held myself for ransom!”

[Coworker] “How much did you get out of it?”

[Duth] “I got four cents.”

[Coworker] “Was that enough to satisfy you, or was that all you could get out of it?”

[Duth] “… Yeah, that’s all I can get out of this.”


After Sad News-7/26/2013

“Condolences, colas, coelacanths, and coelenterates.”


On Superpowers-7/7/2013

“i hope getting hit by lightning gives me superpowers, to become half shark have voter fraud

“i would fix that typo but

“it’s so stupid anyway”


Counting-6/29/2013

“Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven… uh… carp, I forgot the punchline. I wanna say… seven thirteen fifty-two?”


Dragon Dance-6/7/2013

“Oh gosh, I just came up with an amazing idea*: D&DDR. Dungeons & Dragons Dance Revolution. *Title; substance not included”


Loud Noises-4/10/2013

“My dad thought he heard a tornado siren–it was just a police car chasing a tornado that had robbed a bank.”


Francis…-3/14/2013

“Francis the new pope? Why would they make an entire country the new pope? Least of all, France!”


Nation Meat–3/13/2013

“Francis Bacon, and Germany is Sausage.”


But I DO Understand Some Science!-2/14/2013

“Roses are red, oranges are orange, bananas are yellow, limes are green, violets are blue, species of Delphinium are purple.

“I don’t understand poetry. I also don’t understand romance.”


i am a heron-12/21/2012

“No regrets, nor egrets. Good, because that egret kept coming through the window and messing up my kitchen.”


2012 Apresentlypse-12/20/2012

“In about twenty hours the entire planet will have entered December 21st, 2012. From what I understand, this is when we get to open presents.

“I have just been informed that is not the time we open presents, but the time that we all die horribly. Sorry, my mistake.”


Profitable Prophesying-10/31/2012

“Profit Prophet! The prophet that brings prophets profits! Also profits prophets with prophet profits that make prophecies about profiting!”


Recipe of Genesis-10/15/2012

“Problem with the Adam & Eve story: pretty sure Adam would’ve rather just had BBQ than a woman from his ribs.”


Hilarity Death-9/9/2012

“This textbook also says that ‘Alcohol contributes to death from[…] mayhem’. I want my death certificate to say ‘Cause of death: mayhem.'”


Ham for the Holidays-4/24/2012

“Hamukkah: the ironic Hanukkah.”


Regarding Gross Make Outs-6/24/2011

“Eating and making out is pretty much the same thing, at least, I think it is for some people…”


Regarding My Understanding-6/16/2011

“Maybe the general consensus is I never understand the general consensus.”


The Oldest Scam in the Book-6/6/2011

“I’ll gladly pay you a Tuesday for a hamburger and today”


Double-Edged Art Supplies-5/21/2011

“It’s like scissors. They can be good for making paper cutouts, but bad if you stab someone in the appendix, or, dare I say it, the index, with it.”


Increasing Life Expectancy-11/15/2010

“Death is a slacker. It’s gotten slow over the years. Used to it was quick in its job, but nowadays it’s gotten over 40 years slower than it used to be. If I was 40 years slower at my job, I’d be dead before I got anything done.”


Regarding Faking Insanity-10/4/2010

“Many people nowadays illegally cross the border into insane country. These people are not insane! They are just trying to get out of jail time!”


Draw Distance!-3/3/2010

“THE EARTH IS FLAT, THE REASON WE HAVE A HORIZON IS THAT THE EARTH ISN’T A HIGH ENOUGH BIT-RATE TO RENDER OBJECTS TOO FAR AWAY”


Not Sanity-2/5/2010

“Anyway, you need to try to replace that bad insanity with good insanity. Insanity is like cholesterol. …Right?”


On Strategies to Make Friends-11/9/2009

“How totally rational that someone turns emo because they just want to be friends!”

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  1. Quote Pages! | Duth Olec's Cuckoo Cosmos

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