April Fool’s!

If you read my new story to the end, you saw this coming. Not a joke, not a prank, but an entire story that, for the most part, really is in the style that the joke claims to be in. Take that, fake movie trailers! I’m making REAL stuff for April Fool’s Day!

But…

The real April Fool’s is that it turns out the next few Wandering Fortunes chapters actually DO take something of a dark turn! Oh boy! Keep an eye around here, we’ll return to that story at the start of May.

For now, today’s Odemon will be coming shortly.

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Taking the Cloudy Cuckoo Cosmos in a new direction

I’ve decided I’m going to change my writing style. For the longest time I’ve had a pretty silly tone, but I’m going to shift to a more serious tone and style now. To experiment with this, I’ve written a short story that I’d like to get some feedback on, but make sure you read the entire thing before you do.

Oh, and it’ll help if you do it within the next, say, twenty-four hours.

Now up: Wandering Fortunes Chapter 14: Top’s Tasty Turmoil

Chapter 14 of Wandering Fortunes is now available. Top, Alden, and Ropak start their first day in the Zhopian Guard, and Top causes a food fight. This is another one of those food-centric chapters, and to go with that the most important character in Homestuck nothing is introduced, Fridger the talking fridge.

It also happens to have some signs of “hey earlier chapters are gonna be edited more” because I don’t think phossers have been mentioned before but here it acts like they have. Phossers are related to horses, and young ones are, like horses, called ponies. Now you’ll understand the best joke.

Don’t forget, people who give to both my Patreon and my new Ko-fi get to read chapters ahead of time, along with other cool stuff like weekly update previews and signed copies of books. Yaaay! And I’m sure now that we’ve had a food fight chapter the rest of this story will be just as fun and whimsical!!

Physical Darmenzi book! Patreon changes! KO-FI!

The physical book version of Darmenzi is now available for purchase on Lulu.com! It’s even better than my first book Slubes, and I’m excited to finally have a second book in physical form. Now I can show people TWO things and they’ll go “whaaaa, you’re dedicated to this??” It’s $12 on Lulu and it’s amazing and formatted and just take a look at what the critics may or may not have said!

“I laughed! I cried! I ate a banana!”

“If you only read one book this year, you should read more. What’s this about a Darmenzi story?”

“The title character is truly the greatest villain of our time. Even if Duth is a charlatan who skews how I–I mean, he looks.”

To go along with this announcement there’s been some changes to my Patreon, although some of it is just cleaning up. The most immediate change is to the $2 and $3 reward tiers, which no longer has the “give for a million months and get a name in book”. I really don’t like having rewards that require someone to sustain giving over a period of time, because not everyone can do that.

Instead, those are now a part of my Ko-fi page! I’ll still be on Patreon but they will generally focus on different things–Patreon in the prog chapters I post for free each month (you can see them early or see excerpts from what I’m working on at the time, for example), and Ko-fi on the final products:

$3 gets you an ebook copy of one of my books, $18 gets you not only a signed physical copy in the mail but also an exclusive bookmark, and $30 gets your name in the next figgin book, wow!

Think of Patreon as helping fund my creative process, and Ko-fi as being closer to me. Somehow. I also plan to add goals to Ko-fi that I feel are things I don’t necessarily need to make a monthly income as the prerequisite for doing, although I can’t guarantee that none of them are going to be jokes.

That’s about it for now! New Ko-fi, continuing Patreon, physical Darmenzi book. See you in about a week for the next profile (and don’t forget that $3+ patreons get to read the next chapter early).

Wandering Fortunes Chapter 13: Testy Wills is up!

Chapter 13 of Wandering Fortunes is now up! Alden, Top, and Ropak continue to try to join the Zhopian Guard and have to run an obstacle course in the process. However, there’s more than just the course working as obstacles in their way. They’ll have to work together to get through it… or, perhaps not?? Perhaps there will be delicious cake, though.

Don’t forget about Darmenzi, though! The ebook released just a couple weeks ago, and there’s going to be more news about it soon! Keep watching for that.

New book, Darmenzi releases tomorrow, January 17th!

Oh dang! It’s the second book release! Darmenzi is finally here, tomorrow! I’m excited, and definitely not just woke up and wanting to get all this stuff said before it’s too night and everybody normal is asleep!

It’s a sequel to my first book, Slubes, which is still available and stars an anxious pile of frayed nerves pulled into an adventure where he tries to prove himself to his love while dealing with his ridiculous world while an intergalactic invader sends destructive, sneaky, and ridiculous enemies to steal a crystal of immense powers. Darmenzi features the return of that anxious pile of frayed nerves, a little braver, a little more confident, still a flopping jitterbug, face off against the authoritative conqueror’s return and a manipulative force of chaos. It has slugs, giant crabs, robots, mechs, magic, caves, ghosts, pirates, ancient ruins, monsters, a dragon, silliness, seriousness, a library, insanity, deep-sea exploration, space exploration, a hotel, a bratty kid with a gun, jail time, a car crash, and sad magma!

The final preview chapter is here, and you can see where all three are at the Darmenzi page. The book will be available at Smashwords, and it has been pre-ordable or whatever at Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo. I hope you like the book!

Also, work on a physical copy is under way, I should have more information on that next week.

Darmenzi Chapter 2 preview is up!

You can take a look at the final version of Darmenzi‘s second chapter here! You can also read it on Wattpad or Medium.

We just have two more weeks until Darmenzi‘s official release on Smashwords! Pre-orders are live on Barnes & Noble, iTunes, and Kobo. Those who pledge on my Patreon will also get a copy of the book (or Slubes, if you like).

New short story! A holiday classic! Holy text of the Archussip religion! What?

A brand-new short story has gone up for the holiday season! In chapter 7 of Wandering Fortunes, the religion of Archussip was mentioned and talked about. This is the holy text of that religion. It is a moral-addled story of why you should obey the invisible pony sky god, Gourd, and why They are so great and why science is so bad? And also, Hollywood?

I wouldn’t call it a mess, per se… I’d call it a religious text. Archussipism is a religion rivaling that of, say, Scientology, or Mormonism, or… Catholicism.

feel free to tell me what you think!!

Preview of Darmenzi chapter 1 and pre-orders are a go!

The preview of the final version of the first chapter of Darmenzi is now up to read. You can see just how much three years improves! Our protagonists and their home is introduced, and a new challenger approaches.

And excellent news as well in that the pre-orders are now live, I believe! You can pre-order the book on Barnes & Noble, iTunes, or Kobo!

Though as usual if you give money to my Patreon you’ll not only get the book but you can get the book and read it before everyone else! You can also get other cool things through that. Like the warm knowledge that you’re helping a writer survive??

Tomorrow we’ll take a break from all this Darmenzi news though with the posting of a very special story. It will be special, and very, and story. See you then!

Darmenzi releases Wednesday, January 17th, 2018! In one month!

As you can see by the press release I just posted, I finally have a release date set for Darmenzi. It’s been a long time coming… though maybe not as long as Slubes was. The ebook can be seen here and will be $1, just like Slubes, except Slubes is currently free for December on Smashwords.

Pre-ordering will be available once Smashwords approves the book and sends it to the websites that allow that; I will keep everyone informed as to when this happens as soon as it does. Keep in mind that if you pledge to my Patreon you get the book upon release, and if you pledge $3 or more you’ll get it BEFORE release!

As you may notice, the book has had a bit of a makeover, centering text and making the smaller text easier to read. To go with this is a new book description, which you can see both on the novel page of this website and the Smashwords page for the book. There is also a preview of the final book you can read here, with more chapter previews coming over the next few weeks before the book’s release.

Now then. You’ll notice I only mentioned the ebook. A physical book will be coming, but I do not know if it will come on the same day. I’m going to look into different physical book publishers from Createspace, and so that might take a bit of time to settle on one that I’ll want to use (unless the first one I try is great in which case swell!) I’ll keep you up-to-date on that as well.

In summary: Darmenzi releases January 17th, preview here, donate on Patreon to get a copy early, physical book news later.